The bell called us to dinner. We untied, got dressed and joined the others. But something had changed. Not on the outside. Inside. It felt like my body had opened a door that my mind didn't even know existed. After dinner people slowly spread out. Some went to the jacuzzi. Others to the sauna. I found myself sitting next to him again. My rope partner. There was something familiar now. Not because I knew him. Because my body recognized the feeling. Curiosity. Safety. Something

Day two of my shibari weekend. We were going deeper into surrender. Exploring how ropes can bring you into trust, connection and release. The energy in the room felt alive. So many different people. Different bodies. Different ways of being. After the session the yurt slowly emptied. But I stayed. I was sitting on one of the mattresses next to a sweet guy I had noticed before. I don't really know why, but I asked him if he wanted to tie me. Maybe it was his eyes. There was so

When someone invited me to a weekend around surrender, I almost said no. I still didn't really know what kink or BDSM was. Everything I thought I knew came from movies or TV. Looking back now, it had very little to do with what I was about to step into. The word surrender didn't feel soft to me. It felt dangerous. Trusting people wasn't something that came naturally anymore after my divorce. My body had learned to protect itself. Stay in control. Stay alert. Don't fall. And t

It started maybe like it does for many people, after a difficult time in life. For me, that was my divorce. A moment where something closed and at the same time something opened. I didn’t know yet what was changing, only that I wasn’t the same anymore. New people came on my path. Different conversations. Different ways of being in a body. I wasn’t looking for kink or energy work on that moment. It just showed up, quietly. It all started with my first shibari lesson. That expe

I’m starting this blog because something in me wants to be shared. For a long time I tried to understand myself from my head. That helped in some ways, but it didn’t reach everything. Over time kink became a way for me to listen to my body instead. To feel what’s happening in my nervous system and to relate to myself with more honesty and care. This isn’t a finished story and it’s not meant to teach anything. It’s just me writing down what I notice as I go. Sensations, shifts